A Good Marriage
.
This recent essay from our local paper really struck a chord with me. With Jillian's permission, I give you:
A good marriage more important than a flashy, expensive wedding
Jillian J. Stankewich
Guest essayist
jstankewich@hotmail.com
(October 16, 2006) — One young woman cited in the Oct. 4 article "Next year's 07-07-07 sets off frenzy to wed" had already booked her wedding reception when she "didn't yet have a ring — or, technically, a proposal — from her boyfriend." The story said this "didn't strike her as odd."
Well gee, it strikes ME as odd.
She didn't have a ring or a proposal from her boyfriend, but she books a reception? I'm not trying to be insensitive here because he was a soldier in Iraq. But come on. You have to love the line "Yes, he knows there's a step to be taken." What if he doesn't want to marry her? What if he doesn't want to get married next July? What if he doesn't want to have his reception there?
Between the Cinderella weddings on A Wedding Story to crazy brides on Bridezilla, this whole culture's idea of weddings is driving me insane. Now don't get me wrong — I'm not against marriage. I'm not being a bitter, scorned woman here, or even saying marriage is pointless. I believe in marriage, and hope that I will marry someday. But the whole business of elaborate weddings baffles me. One friend of mine told me about a bridal shower that was supposed to have 200 guests — at the shower, not even the wedding!
Aren't these people missing the point? Maybe every little girl dreams of her wedding, but I don't. The only thing I dream about is being with someone I love, not showing off for 300 of our "closest" relatives and friends. I'd rather be that cute little old couple 60 years from now than divorced just because I jumped too quick, being all excited about diamonds and dresses.
I don't understand women today, rushing to get married, wanting just a wedding so bad so they can be a "princess" for a day. I feel like women's lib has been so harmed by the last two generations of young women. Why would you pressure someone to marry you anyway?
Another thing that gets me is TheKnot.com, where the woman has set up her entire page of where she wants to get married, what songs, registry, etc., and there's no man. So it says "Shelia and ???" So you've planned out your entire wedding, knowing exactly what you want, but not who you're marrying? Basically, you're saying just "insert any man here" and that's the marriage you want? Till death do you part? Shouldn't it be something you plan together, and customized for your relationship with that person? It's like when I see those photos in the wedding announcement section of the newspaper, and every once in a while you have a picture of just the bride, instead of the couple. So her husband didn't even matter enough to be in their wedding announcement, more just "hooray I'm married ... to what's-his-face ... but, whatever, look at me!"
I do know women who have had spectacular weddings, married young, had their Cinderella time, and are still happily married. But I watch a little girl playing "wedding" constantly, watching her parents' wedding video and A Wedding Story with her mother repeatedly, and always talking about brides and dresses and weddings ... and I just want to buy her some Ani DiFranco CDs and women's lib books.
Maybe I'm just wondering where the LOVE is in some of these lavish spectacles. As for me, I'll send you a postcard from Vegas someday.
.
This recent essay from our local paper really struck a chord with me. With Jillian's permission, I give you:
A good marriage more important than a flashy, expensive wedding
Jillian J. Stankewich
Guest essayist
jstankewich@hotmail.com
(October 16, 2006) — One young woman cited in the Oct. 4 article "Next year's 07-07-07 sets off frenzy to wed" had already booked her wedding reception when she "didn't yet have a ring — or, technically, a proposal — from her boyfriend." The story said this "didn't strike her as odd."
Well gee, it strikes ME as odd.
She didn't have a ring or a proposal from her boyfriend, but she books a reception? I'm not trying to be insensitive here because he was a soldier in Iraq. But come on. You have to love the line "Yes, he knows there's a step to be taken." What if he doesn't want to marry her? What if he doesn't want to get married next July? What if he doesn't want to have his reception there?
Between the Cinderella weddings on A Wedding Story to crazy brides on Bridezilla, this whole culture's idea of weddings is driving me insane. Now don't get me wrong — I'm not against marriage. I'm not being a bitter, scorned woman here, or even saying marriage is pointless. I believe in marriage, and hope that I will marry someday. But the whole business of elaborate weddings baffles me. One friend of mine told me about a bridal shower that was supposed to have 200 guests — at the shower, not even the wedding!
Aren't these people missing the point? Maybe every little girl dreams of her wedding, but I don't. The only thing I dream about is being with someone I love, not showing off for 300 of our "closest" relatives and friends. I'd rather be that cute little old couple 60 years from now than divorced just because I jumped too quick, being all excited about diamonds and dresses.
I don't understand women today, rushing to get married, wanting just a wedding so bad so they can be a "princess" for a day. I feel like women's lib has been so harmed by the last two generations of young women. Why would you pressure someone to marry you anyway?
Another thing that gets me is TheKnot.com, where the woman has set up her entire page of where she wants to get married, what songs, registry, etc., and there's no man. So it says "Shelia and ???" So you've planned out your entire wedding, knowing exactly what you want, but not who you're marrying? Basically, you're saying just "insert any man here" and that's the marriage you want? Till death do you part? Shouldn't it be something you plan together, and customized for your relationship with that person? It's like when I see those photos in the wedding announcement section of the newspaper, and every once in a while you have a picture of just the bride, instead of the couple. So her husband didn't even matter enough to be in their wedding announcement, more just "hooray I'm married ... to what's-his-face ... but, whatever, look at me!"
I do know women who have had spectacular weddings, married young, had their Cinderella time, and are still happily married. But I watch a little girl playing "wedding" constantly, watching her parents' wedding video and A Wedding Story with her mother repeatedly, and always talking about brides and dresses and weddings ... and I just want to buy her some Ani DiFranco CDs and women's lib books.
Maybe I'm just wondering where the LOVE is in some of these lavish spectacles. As for me, I'll send you a postcard from Vegas someday.
.
posted by Stefani at 5:24 AM
3 Comments:
Unbelievable! Women doing that that is.
I believe it.
(Of course Nancy & I have seen a lot of weddings over the past three years or so at the Towers and the Bungalow.)
Wow! Speaking as one who actually did get married in Vegas, I could have written this. I agree with every word.
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