With Beads

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Following up yesterday's mention of The Bully. My boss made me reply so I sucked it up like a good little employee and did just that. Didn't make a face or nuthin'.

I'm chalking some of the recent ickiness to hormonal over-reaction. This too shall pass. I know this stuff kind of feeds off itself but enough of us at work are experiencing ickiness that we're chalking that up to last night's full moon. As I said to some of my co-workers upon leaving last night, "I feel like I say this far too often, but . . . next week is a brand new week." Rah, rah.

And I finally found the words to describe how I've been feeling. They came when I was crying on Steve's shoulder last night, literally. When he and I got together 14 years ago, I think he was a little uncomfortable with my crying. Now he understands, we even joke about it, that I just need to do this, get this out of my system and move on. Explanation? Check. Crying? Check? What's for dinner? Check. Works every time.

I knew this time of year with the busy-ness of the craft shows would make me a little crazy, but that's what I want - that busy-ness. What I didn't expect, and don't ask me why not, was how that would affect my day job. I swear I don't feel unfocused at work. I don't sit and daydream about paper shapes and colors. I feel in the moment at work. But if I step back from my situation, I would have to assess logically that I'm not 100% focused at work. My attention to detail is not what it was. I'll cut myself a little slack - every employee there is over-extended so some sliding of details is acceptable, in a way.

I heartily admit that my head is in the future, wondering what my life will be like when my career and my passion are one and the same. That fact alone would conceivably take my edge away. As I told Steve, I'm not used to not being a really good employee. I've been adequate, I suppose, lately, but that's not enough in my book.

So I'll give myself another little pep talk and get moving.

And Steve offered to help me with a Capacity Plan, so I can see what exactly it would take from Pine Tree Designs to be able to support me in the style to which I've become accustomed. That's stuff he does at his job all the time so I told him that would be great. I was hoping to get through this show season first since it would give me lots more data about doing more shows and bigger shows.

That is the other thing I've been worried about. That Pine Tree Designs will never support me in the style to which I've become accustomed. But I can definitely see myself working a part-time job from home, in addition to Pine Tree Designs. I just don't see the company I work for now ever allowing me to do that. Heck, my boss won't even let me go back to my original hours, before I became a supervisor, of 7:00-4:00, instead of my current 8:00-5:00. He has let others do it, in another admin department - but he has his reasons so I accept it. This is too small an issue to fret over - pick your battles, as you know.

Hey, thanks for the therapy. How much do you people charge per hour anyway??

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