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5" x 5" card, for an order.
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5" x 5" card, for an order.~ ~ ~
What a long, strange week it's been.
I think I mentioned Monday that I felt off on Sunday, very non-specific. I took a 2-1/2 hour nap after breakfast so I chalked it up to it being one of my periodic recharging days.
Then I had a little crying jag late in the day, that I thought was just a stress-reliever, even though I really didn't feel very stressed. But sometimes you never know what your body is trying to tell you.
It happened again Monday, much worse. Thank God it was after work. Tuesday I called the doctor, because it felt like my dosage of Effexor needed to be increased after, I think - 7 years maybe. I'm on the lowest effective dose. I saw him on Wednesday and that was exactly what he said. So I just took my new higher dose this morning and can't wait to feel better, filled up again. Besides having to keep a tight grip on myself so as to not cry at the drop of a hat, I've felt very blah, not happy & perky, like I normally do. And after eating healthy last week, even dropping a few pounds, this week I'm self-medicating with food. I hate when I do that.
I'm telling you this but I want to list the things that made me cry this week, because I think they are funny. I even thought they were funny at the time, but it didn't stop me from crying. (I just reread what I wrote above about keeping a tight grip on myself so as to not cry. Read on - this is not crying?? Oy vey.)
1. On the way to the grocery store in the car I heard an old Eagles song, Wasted Time, that used to make me cry 16 years ago when I was leaving my husband.
2. That made me want to call my 20 year old son Simon and tell him how much I love him. But I didn't want to weird him out by sobbing, out of the blue, about how much I love him.
3. That was immediately followed by one of my favorite Jackson Browne songs. I can't even remember which one now but he's one of my all-time favorite singers. It didn't make me cry, per se, but it was a bit of a nostalgic trigger - and allowed me time to get my shit together in the parking lot before entering the grocery store.
4. I almost cried when the cashier told me to leave my dog food underneath my cart. First I wanted to lash out at her that it was "cat food anyway, you stupid moron, and no shit, I wasn't planning on moving it anyway so mind your own damn business". Then I felt like crying, but I concentrated on pretending I was normal. I think I pulled it off - and/or I completely overcompensated by being extra nice & friendly to the cashier so she wouldn't know I was a loon.
5. I got in the car after grocery shopping and an Eagles song is followed by a Jackson Browne song again! I shit you not. I even looked at my radio to see if maybe I was listening to one of my mix CDs. The songs didn't trigger the crying but I did sob most of the way home. Because I could.
6. I cried because Marlee Matlin danced so well on Dancing with the Stars even though she's deaf.
7. I cried because I overbaked a batch of cookies because I set the alarm but didn't push the button. I dropped a few F-bombs, then . . .
8. Yelled at Reggi because she was taking too long to walk through the deck door that I opened for her because she had scratched that she wanted to go out. I felt so bad about yelling at my sweet Reggi, that I cried.
9. I cried because I told Steve I would wait to eat dinner with him, because apparently it's a really big thing for him, even though it often means I eat much later than I want to. It's a well known fact that it's not healthy to eat less than 2 hours before you go to bed - and I go to bed relatively early.
It's been an ongoing thing between us for years. It sort of came to a head the other night when we were discussing something else, he said that no matter how late I came home he would always wait to eat dinner with me. That's stooopid, because before we lived together, he routinely ate dinner at 9:00 every night. I'm a 6:00 kind of girl, at the latest, so it's a much bigger stretch for me, or at least that's how it feels. To me. Anyway, I decided once and for all that I would suck it up and always wait for him. Honestly, I'm not 100% on board with this in my heart, but I thought I'd try Dr. Phil's "behave your way to success".
Last night he said he was leaving work at his usual 6:30, but was going to stop at his mom's on the way home. I said I'd wait. Turns out he left work at 7:15, stopped at his mom's, stopped at the place she has her taxes done and made a phone call to his brother when he got home. We didn't eat until 8:30 and all I could think was he took advantage of my kindness and if he really loved me, he wouldn't have made me wait so long. And then Marlee Matlin danced really well - see #6.
(I suppose in fairness to him, I should tell you that he called me a few times during the above mentioned trip and told me I didn't have to wait, but at that point, I had already waited so long, how much longer could it be? If I'd known it would turn out to be 8:30, I would have eaten long ago and possibly cut out at least one crying bit. Except something else would have taken it's place so I could reach my crying quota.)
By the way - all day yesterday I was not feeling like I was going to cry at all. As I sat in the room at the doctor's office, I planned what I was going to say to describe how I felt. I was feeling pretty together. Dr. Bressler walked into the room and tears immediately filled my eyes. "Well, that was right on cue!" I said to him.
So that's been my life this week. Pass the Kleenex.
.
I think I mentioned Monday that I felt off on Sunday, very non-specific. I took a 2-1/2 hour nap after breakfast so I chalked it up to it being one of my periodic recharging days.
Then I had a little crying jag late in the day, that I thought was just a stress-reliever, even though I really didn't feel very stressed. But sometimes you never know what your body is trying to tell you.
It happened again Monday, much worse. Thank God it was after work. Tuesday I called the doctor, because it felt like my dosage of Effexor needed to be increased after, I think - 7 years maybe. I'm on the lowest effective dose. I saw him on Wednesday and that was exactly what he said. So I just took my new higher dose this morning and can't wait to feel better, filled up again. Besides having to keep a tight grip on myself so as to not cry at the drop of a hat, I've felt very blah, not happy & perky, like I normally do. And after eating healthy last week, even dropping a few pounds, this week I'm self-medicating with food. I hate when I do that.
I'm telling you this but I want to list the things that made me cry this week, because I think they are funny. I even thought they were funny at the time, but it didn't stop me from crying. (I just reread what I wrote above about keeping a tight grip on myself so as to not cry. Read on - this is not crying?? Oy vey.)
1. On the way to the grocery store in the car I heard an old Eagles song, Wasted Time, that used to make me cry 16 years ago when I was leaving my husband.
2. That made me want to call my 20 year old son Simon and tell him how much I love him. But I didn't want to weird him out by sobbing, out of the blue, about how much I love him.
3. That was immediately followed by one of my favorite Jackson Browne songs. I can't even remember which one now but he's one of my all-time favorite singers. It didn't make me cry, per se, but it was a bit of a nostalgic trigger - and allowed me time to get my shit together in the parking lot before entering the grocery store.
4. I almost cried when the cashier told me to leave my dog food underneath my cart. First I wanted to lash out at her that it was "cat food anyway, you stupid moron, and no shit, I wasn't planning on moving it anyway so mind your own damn business". Then I felt like crying, but I concentrated on pretending I was normal. I think I pulled it off - and/or I completely overcompensated by being extra nice & friendly to the cashier so she wouldn't know I was a loon.
5. I got in the car after grocery shopping and an Eagles song is followed by a Jackson Browne song again! I shit you not. I even looked at my radio to see if maybe I was listening to one of my mix CDs. The songs didn't trigger the crying but I did sob most of the way home. Because I could.
6. I cried because Marlee Matlin danced so well on Dancing with the Stars even though she's deaf.
7. I cried because I overbaked a batch of cookies because I set the alarm but didn't push the button. I dropped a few F-bombs, then . . .
8. Yelled at Reggi because she was taking too long to walk through the deck door that I opened for her because she had scratched that she wanted to go out. I felt so bad about yelling at my sweet Reggi, that I cried.
9. I cried because I told Steve I would wait to eat dinner with him, because apparently it's a really big thing for him, even though it often means I eat much later than I want to. It's a well known fact that it's not healthy to eat less than 2 hours before you go to bed - and I go to bed relatively early.
It's been an ongoing thing between us for years. It sort of came to a head the other night when we were discussing something else, he said that no matter how late I came home he would always wait to eat dinner with me. That's stooopid, because before we lived together, he routinely ate dinner at 9:00 every night. I'm a 6:00 kind of girl, at the latest, so it's a much bigger stretch for me, or at least that's how it feels. To me. Anyway, I decided once and for all that I would suck it up and always wait for him. Honestly, I'm not 100% on board with this in my heart, but I thought I'd try Dr. Phil's "behave your way to success".
Last night he said he was leaving work at his usual 6:30, but was going to stop at his mom's on the way home. I said I'd wait. Turns out he left work at 7:15, stopped at his mom's, stopped at the place she has her taxes done and made a phone call to his brother when he got home. We didn't eat until 8:30 and all I could think was he took advantage of my kindness and if he really loved me, he wouldn't have made me wait so long. And then Marlee Matlin danced really well - see #6.
(I suppose in fairness to him, I should tell you that he called me a few times during the above mentioned trip and told me I didn't have to wait, but at that point, I had already waited so long, how much longer could it be? If I'd known it would turn out to be 8:30, I would have eaten long ago and possibly cut out at least one crying bit. Except something else would have taken it's place so I could reach my crying quota.)
By the way - all day yesterday I was not feeling like I was going to cry at all. As I sat in the room at the doctor's office, I planned what I was going to say to describe how I felt. I was feeling pretty together. Dr. Bressler walked into the room and tears immediately filled my eyes. "Well, that was right on cue!" I said to him.
So that's been my life this week. Pass the Kleenex.
.
Labels: Life Update, What I'm Working On
posted by Stefani at 5:39 AM
6 Comments:
Hmm, that all sounds pretty normal to me! For me, the two biggest triggers for tears are music/lyrics and when someone does something "great." And I seem to hit one or the other or both of those daily (I'm very lucky that way). While they don't usually result in sobbing, I do get that emotional pull every time.
Here's an idea: Eat dinner at your normal time, then have a snack with Steve when he eats. It's most likely not the communal food consumption he's interested in but rather the time together. So eat at your time, then have a handful of grapes while he eats dinner.
BTW, I agree with you -- I don't like to eat late either. My stomach empties so slowly that I go to bed full and uncomfortable.
The other thing I should have said about the dinner thing, is that even if I don't eat with Steve, I sit with him while he eats. We always eat in front of the TV - so what's the difference if I'm eating or stitching? That's what bugs me most - what's the big deal whether I eat or not?
I'm lucky. Around here we often fix something for ourselves to eat and he goes to the tv and I often come here and read. Even when I fix a meal he goes one way, I the other. Not unusual for him to fix his own meals either. The nice fact of retirement.
Um, I'm gonna mention a really evil word here, and slap me if I'm out of line or way off track here, ok? Perimenopause? Or some other hormonal thing, perhaps?
Oh! Another thing I forgot to mention - I'm going to squeeze out some blood soon for a bunch of tests - just to check levels of this and that. And menopause is one of the things I asked about so he threw in a test for something related to that too - a word I'd not heard before, can't think of it at the moment.
And I'm having a physical in June too. Been 5 years since my last - I would have guessed 2 years. Time flies.
Ruh-roh, just remembered - bet that means another colonoscopy is on my horizon. Oh well, these are all good things.
I almost always eat before Daniel gets home.
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