Wilma

Wilma Read Comstock, 1927 - 2009

Steve's mom passed away last Thursday. The funeral was yesterday. I'm so tired, I could cry. Not sleepy tired - I slept 9-1/2 hours last night. Just emotionally tired to the bone.

My life has been so overflowing since I last posted an entry here 8 days ago. I took off from work last week to prep for the biggest craft show of my career, as I like to call it, at Letchworth Park - a huge 3-day, well-attended show. So the first part of the week was nose to the grindstone.

I hardly saw Steve at all because he went to the hospital every day after work, getting home around 11:00, when I was fast asleep. He didn't ask me to go with him until Wednesday. I had tickets to see the Rochester Broadway Theatre League's performance of The Color Purple with Lynn and Linda that night so I didn't go to that. (Lynn told me later they tried to sell my ticket for me. Can you picture 2 middle aged women trying to scalp a Color Purple ticket!?)

There was never any change in Wilma's condition and it seemed the end was near so Thursday morning, even before she passed away, I had emailed the show co-ordinator to see what my options are for withdrawing. I did not want to be fully set up at a craft show 90 minutes away if Wilma died. The co-ordinator replied that she was sure we could work something out - so we'll worry about this next week, after the show.

Steve's mom has been dealing with vascular dementia for the last year and a half or so. She eventually needed round the clock care so "the kids" (Steve and his brother and sister) set up 24/7 home health care. That was working out really well, though they also had applications for nursing homes for when that time came. In the end, everyone is pretty grateful the time for nursing home care never materialized. Her overall health decline happened pretty rapidly, especially at the end.

Steve's sister Barbara flew in from Colorado last Saturday, on a prior arranged trip. That was the same day Wilma's home health aides took her to Urgent Care because she was having trouble breathing. Urgent Care sent her to the hospital, for further assessment and treatment. She was admitted and eventually determined she had pneumonia in both lungs and some heart failure.

She just never got any better, really. I heard Barbara say her heart was working at 30%. She was on morphine to help with the pain. She was on forced air oxygen to breath - Wilma hated that mask (who wouldn't?). But on the few, short occasions they could take the mask off, she was smiling and saying I love you to her family. So that was nice.

But overall she was in a lot of pain and things were not going to get better. The family was called to the hospital Thursday morning. I asked Steve if he wanted me to go with him (he was at work) and he said no, let him see what's going on first. Shortly after he got there he called me to come so I flew up there. I wasn't in the room 5 minutes, when she passed away. I know she waited for me to get there, mostly so I could be there for Steve. I was so glad I could be there for him.

Later that day I went to Wilma's house to help get it ready for the reception to be held there after the funeral. I worked with Steve's sister-in-law, Sue and cousin Ann and we had a good time actually. I especially liked getting to know his cousin better - and not just because she owns a gift shop in Brevard, NC and placed a wholesale order for Sticky Notes and greeting cards. The house didn't need all that much work - the home health aids and cleaning service took good care of things on a regular basis.

Steve, Barbara and Dave made the funeral home arrangements and when they came back to the house we ordered pizza, beer and wine and then the fun really started. We watched old family movies, told stories, lots of laughing. Steve's Uncle Bill had driven up with the aforementioned Cousin Ann and tells great stories. He reminds me of my dad in the dry way he phrases things.

Friday was spent running errands. It was also Steve's birthday, which he and I had already agreed to celebrate later, between craft shows. His family felt way worse about the timing of his birthday than he did. Not only did his mother die the day before his birthday, his dad had died in a car accident 2 days after he was born, 53 years ago. Ann bought Steve a birthday cake so we went back over to Wilma's house for a short party. Everyone had food to prepare and remembrances to write, so no one stayed long.

The funeral was Saturday - very well attended, as we thought it would be. Wilma was a life-long teacher and a principal, so there were lots of teachers present, even former students. One man introduced himself to us being in Wilma's first grade class - and I think he was a little older than us. Childhood friends of Steve's and Dave's came, "kids from the neighborhood" - that was nice. A bunch of people who currently or formerly worked with Steve came. My sister came with my nephews and niece-in-law. My dad made chili for the reception. (Dad, it was all but gone by the end!) Mom house-sat during the funeral.

Steve, Dave and Barbara each spoke as did several other people, mostly relatives. In fact, the only non-relative who spoke was a woman who was a former colleague of Wilma's but her story was about how Wilma saved her son's life, as she put it. He was having lots of trouble in school until he was moved into Wilma's class and she got through to him. Lots of great stories. We laughed, we cried. Steve had me read his piece after he wrote it and I bawled my eyes out. (Mom and Dad - he said I could email it to you. You'll like it - get the hankies.)

Simon and DJ were pall bearers. Simon, of course, got a major kick out of driving in the funeral procession with a police escort allowing us to run red lights.

I know all of Steve's extended family from the annual Read family reunions held the day after Christmas each year. We haven't had them in a few years though. But they do feel like my family - they treat me like family. Steve and I have been together 16 years so I have no idea why I would still feel surprised by how nice they are to me and Simon. They are all super nice, very loving people. They remind me of my family - really, really love each other. They are nice to be around.

In fact, I decided in the shower this morning that from this day forth I'm going to start calling them my family. Like instead of saying Steve's sister-in-law, I'll say my sister-in-law or my cousin. Yeah, 16 years. I'm not real quick about stuff. Heck, Steve and I were "dating" for 7 years before we lived together. (Wilma always called me her daughter-in-law, by the way. And this week I've been calling her my mother-in-law.)

A bunch of the family members are at Wilma's this afternoon watching the Buffalo Bills game, but I needed a little Stefani Time. I envision my time being divided between sitting on the couch reading, cleaning up my studio and taking a nap with my furry friends.

Since I didn't do the craft show I had decided to go back to work Monday and Tuesday, but I feel so drained today that I decided to take tomorrow off after all. I hope I perk up soon - I like me better perky. I am getting a 60 minute massage tomorrow so that should turn my mojo around.